I'm ZsuZsu

Information On My Mental Diseases

2015-12-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

Celebrity Tweet From Nia Vardalos and Kelley Hunt

2011-11-25T12:33:00.000-08:00

I like to tweet celebrities just to see if they read their tweets and if they respond. I wished all my celebrities a Happy Thanksgiving and I got a hit... Nia Vardalos... the star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Shes pretty funny on her tweets! I also just received a tweet from my favorite blues singer Kelley Hunt. I am going to put a video under her tweet so you can see how awesome she is...

Kelley Hunt - Too Must History

KELLY RIPA RETWEETS MY TWEET

2011-11-20T17:32:00.000-08:00

Another celebrity tweet

2 Cellos Playing My Favorite MJ Song Smooth Criminal On Ellen

2011-11-18T08:02:00.001-08:00

My BFF Jerri Mitchell McWilliams

2011-11-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

Because of Facebook I have had the pleasure of hooking up with old friends from high school. My friend Jerri Mitchell were very close friends my senior year. We had our own language... actually I think we still do... she is very funny and a great friend... I dont get to see her that often, mainly its been all of our 40th birthdays, but those have come and gone and I hope we can just get together for the hell of it... here are some funny pictures of her.

This is Jerri as a zombie. Michelle Hatfield hates this picture because she hates zombies... but its creepy right? I love it!

This is Jerri celebrating my 40th birthday. Tonight she asked me about joining Twitter. I am not sure she would want to follow me because that is where I get most of my frustrations out, including swearing and calling Charlie Sheen a douchebag.

This is Jerri wearing a track suit because deep inside she wants to be Sue Sylvester.

This is Jerri proving that Dr Pepper 10 is not JUST FOR MEN! It is also for women. Dr Pepper has a sexist ad out which you will see below... but look at those strong arms holding up that 2 litre...

I love you Jerri. Cant wait for the peanut brittle! You play a mean vibra slap, and only you are allowed to call me pet names... no seriously, youre an awesome friend... love ya lots.

Michelles 40th Birthday

2011-11-07T20:35:00.000-08:00

Michelle Hatfield I went to West High with but she was a class younger than I. We have become great friends and I love her so much... here are a few photos of her special day. She looked like a princess!

Michelle and I

Jerri and I

All three of us (arent we awesome?)

My Celebrity BFF Sean Hayes Tweeted Me...

2011-10-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

I tweet Sean Hayes every once in awhile when he has achievements in shows and producing shows... He tweeted me on my 40th birthday!

Then I congratulated him on his new show that will be coming on NBC called GRIMM he produced and also tweeted him on another show that was supposed to come out but has not yet and I dont have the tweets from those but he thanked me and said he hopes they work...

Then I tweeted him to ask him when he will be on Ellen next and...

And he is part of the interview...

I Was On The Ellen DeGeneres Show 10.21.11

2011-10-21T19:06:00.000-07:00

Ellen is having a contest of sending in pictures she has never seen before. I sent in this picture and it was shown today... I was pumped. Except she said I was from Orange County, IA when its Orange City, IA. I dont care but here is the picture and the video of the segment...

The Kansas City/Minnesota Vikings Game 10.2.11

2011-10-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

We left at 10:30am for a 6 hour drive to Kansas City, MO to see the KC Chiefs game vs. the Minnesota Vikings game. Due to all the Missouri flooding, we went a back way and it took a little bit longer than anticipated. But thanks to Carly and her amazing map reading we made it to our hotel. Funny thing happened when I had to make a left onto the highway. I turned down the wrong way of the highway and boom, going down a one way highway. It was a Planes, Trains and Automobiles moment: "Youre going the wrong way... you are going to kill someone!" So I went down into the ditch and went up on the other side of the highway... The damn do not enter sign confused me... otherwise it was uneventful. Had a good evening at the hotel full of football fans... went to bed early, got up had a hearty breakfast at Dennys and then headed to Arrowhead Stadium. 10 miles and it took over an hour and a half to get to the stadium. In the lines, some good guys gave us red star parking for 10 dollars other than paying 30 dollars to park, so we got close up parking and it was right up to our gate. Our seats were way up to the very tippy top. But it was a great view. The game was awesome, thanks to Ryan Succop we won the game with his 4 field goals. Our sucky quarterback, Matt Cassel managed to get one touchdown, which was a shocker. Then it took about an hour to leave the parking lot, we saw an accident, some guy who drank too much puking out of his vehicle... and finally made it on the interstate. Had to take the stupid detour which takes about an hour or so out of the way. Hit the interstate and we were home around 10:45. It was awesome. I cant wait to go again. Please enjoy the videos and pictures. GO CHIEFS!

Missys 40th Birthday

2011-09-29T10:39:00.000-07:00

Well another from West High turned 40 and of course we had to celebrate in Sioux City. Cake, music, laughs, what more can you ask for. It was a great time. Enjoy the pictues!

The Birthday Girl

Crystal and Jose Baez

Jerry and Kenny

Me and Jerri

Crystal, Missy and I

My Day In Yankton, SD (Heat Index 115)

2011-07-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

It was a very hot day out on the boat and under the sun. But once we got into the water it was so refreshing and awesome. The only thing is that I was incredibly sunburned. Bad. I did put some sunscreen on but it was too late. I am covering myself with Aloe Vera, taking aspirin and Tylenol and its helping. I rode a jet ski for the first time, Lisa was the driver. It was fun but I was afraid of falling off. But it was exciting. The girls and Ben had a great time and Scotty came down from Sioux City to join us all. The thing is, Doug was pulling the girls behind the jet ski on the tube. They came back to the boat and the rope got sucked up into the jet ski so it was a done day. We had to tow it back to the dock and get them transported home by Mimi. I was so hot and felt a little sick after we got out of the water and started getting the chills so I got out of the sun. Then we went to Charlies Pizza and I had some awesome cheese garlic bread. It was fun despite the rope issue. I enjoyed myself a lot. I love spending time with the Burgs and the kids. Lots of fun.

Casey Anthony Found Not Guilty. Here is my Justice For Caylee.

2011-07-05T13:56:00.000-07:00

Since day 1 when this baby was reported missing and they arrested Casey Anthony for the alleged murder of her child I knew she did it. I still think she did it. She is a professional liar and like Jeff Ashton, she is good at it and she did a good job of hiding it. But what happens now? Nothing. Caylee has been cremeated and I hope that they can give her a proper funeral so the family can finally grieve. Has Casey grieved? NO! Will you see her grieve? NO! Will you see her fight to see who did this? NO! Will she go after her father? YES! Thats what I feel her next move will be. Caylee had no one to speak to her. I mean come on. The smell of decomposition in the truck, she was out partying while her daughter was missing for 31 days, and her daughter was tossed in the woods tripled bagged... like trash. For 6 months. The evidence was there, people will disagree. No DNA. How in the hell can DNA be detected when a body was submerged in water for 6 months? HOW? Explain that. I am so sad there is no justice for this little girl. The last thing she saw, was her mothers eyes when she placed that duct tape over her face. Just imagine that. No one will convince me she was not guilty, not after all that I have seen and heard. Her lies and constant lies and lies and lies. Shes a pathological liar. Trust me, her day will be due, as of now, Im too angry about this and I have a right to be. Because its my feelings. I am sad. So sad. Its not fair. I hope Casey realizes how many lives she has ruined. She tore apart her family. Nothing will be the same for them. Its sad. All she cared about is herself. HERSELF. SHE IS A SELFISH WITCH! Do not convince me she didnt do it! Dont even try. May Caylee rest in peace sweet baby. We were pulling for you honey.

Happy 4th Of July "There She Stands" - Michael W Smith

2011-07-04T12:17:00.001-07:00

TEDS wins Best Talk Show

2011-06-21T13:40:00.001-07:00

Ellen DeGeneres and Josh Groban Sing a Duet

2011-06-21T13:25:00.001-07:00

ROFL!

The Edge Of Glory Video

2011-06-19T12:05:00.001-07:00

Tell Me - Madonna

2011-06-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!! Dont see how she is compared to Lady Gaga in this video!

How Far

2011-06-16T09:30:00.001-07:00

Another tear jerker... memories

Anyway

2011-06-16T09:12:00.001-07:00

This song makes me cry...

You can spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This worlds gone crazy
And it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all YOUR heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
love em anyway

God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah I do it anyway, yeah,

You can pour your soul out singin'
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yeah sing it anyway, yeah, yeah

I sing
I dream
I love anyway, yeah.

Today I turned 40! Enjoy my pics!

2011-06-13T16:41:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day! I just hung out with friends and my mom. I didnt want to turn 40 but I had such a horrible decade in my 30s that I am looking at this as a new beginning! I am happy, content, have a great group of friends and neighbors. I love my life and no one is going to bring me down anymore. Thank you...

But here are all the photos from my birthday weekend. Photobucket kinda didnt size these right so sorry if some are huge and some are small but Im not fixing it! lol ENJOY! Thank you everyone for making my day special!

I came home from my birthday bash to this from my friend Gail:

Each picture is someone I love with a caption underneath... here are the individual pic:

Seinfeld

Michael W Smith

Lady Gaga

Joe Montana

Friends

Ellen and Portia

Eddie Murphy

Last but not certainly least Amy Grant

The following are pictures from my party in no particular order! Just enjoy!

Kenny and his pasties and homemade unit

NAUGHTY KENNY!!!!!

THE BONFIRE

MORE GIFTS

I received another Willow Tree figurine. This one is affection holding a kitty! I got this from Lisa. Its so cute! I love it!

It's Not My Birthday But We Are Celebrating It Tonight...

2011-06-11T13:18:00.000-07:00

Here is my cake... more pics to follow with details! BUT REMEMBER I AM STILL 39 UNTIL 4:06PM ON MONDAY!

30 Seconds To Air In 4 Minutes

2011-06-06T05:26:00.001-07:00

A video I made a long time ago...

Flooding in Iowa, SD, and NE

2011-06-06T05:18:00.000-07:00

My hometown of Sioux City, IA is experiencing the worse flooding since 1984... maybe earlier. The Missouri River is past its flood stage and a lot of my friends have been pitching in sand bagging at the Auditorium. Dakota Dunes, SD has been evacuated, but there were tons of volunteers that made levees to hopefully hold back the water. South Sioux City, NE is also flooding and Sioux City is past its flood stage and will be at 37' on June 15, which is about 8' over what it is usually is. It breaks my heart. My side of town that I grew up in is also in danger because of the Big Sioux River. The flooding has crept up and keeps coming towards downtown but they said it wont affect it at all, which is a blessing. People in Dakota Dunes had a mandatory evacuation and a lot of people just got uHauls and packed up all their things and moved to higher ground. Its been a community effort to get those sandbags where they need to be but its also scary because people will definitely lose their homes. Please pray for my hometown and surrounding communities that it wont be as bad as anticipated. Hopefully the levees will hold... Thanks.

The latest news as of this morning... June 5

As of 6 AM Monday, the Missouri at Sioux City is at 30.21'. Water is at an elevation of 1087 feet above sea level. This is now officially Minor Flooding. At 30 feet/1087 feet elevation (Flood Stage), some of the boat docks and marinas around the river begin to flood. This is happening now....

Chances

2011-06-06T05:12:00.001-07:00

From The Blind Side

The Edge Of Glory - Lady Gaga - American Idol

2011-06-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

There ain't a reason you and me should be alone
Tonight, yeah baby
Tonight, yeah baby
But I got a reason that you're who should take me home tonight
I need a man that thinks it right when it's so wrong,
Tonight yeah baby
Tonight, yeah baby
Right on the limit's where we know we both belong tonight

It's hot to feel the rush,
To brush the dangerous
I'm gonna run back to, to the edge with you
Where we can both fall far in love.

I'm on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment of truth,
I'm on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment with you,
I'm on the edge
The edge (6x)
I'm on the edge of glory
And I'm hanging on a moment with you
I'm on the edge with you

Another shot, before we kiss the other side,
Tonight, yeah baby
Tonight, yeah baby
I'm on the edge of something final we call life tonight
Alright, alright
Put on your shades 'cause I'll be dancing in the flames
Tonight, yeah baby
Tonight, yeah baby
It isn't Hell if everybody knows my name
Tonight, alright, alright

It's hot to feel the rush,
To brush the dangerous

I'm gonna run back to, to the edge with you
Where we can both fall far in love.

I'm on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment of truth,
Out on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment with you,
I'm on the edge
The edge (6x)
I'm on the edge of glory
And I'm hanging on a moment with you
I'm on the edge with you

I'm on the edge with you

I'm on the edge with you

I'm on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment of truth,
I'm on the edge of glory,
And I'm hanging on a moment with you,
I'm on the edge
The edge (6x)
I'm on the edge of glory
And I'm hanging on a moment with you
I'm on the edge with you
With you (4x)
I'm on the edge with you
With you (4x)
I'm on the edge with you
With you (4x)
I'm on the edge with you
With you (4x)

40th Birthday Plans Underway

2011-06-01T10:54:00.001-07:00

Working on my 40th Birthday Bash... Just wanted to say that because I am excited...

Out With Some Awesome Friends

2011-05-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

These are some awesome people. I went to high school with most of these people and we were celebrating Jerri and Kennys 18th wedding anniversary. I had so much fun, I hope we can get together more often... I love you guys!

Jerri and I

Michelle and I

Rod and Michelle

Michelle and her hubby

Michelle, Crystal, Jerri, Me, Michelle, and I forgot the last ones name... sorry

Crystal and her hubby

Kenny and Michelle

Kenny and I doing a dirty signal. I forgot what it means but its nasty LOL

Kenny and the one finger salute

Kenny and Jerri

Jerri and Michelle

Jerri and Crystal

I love these guys so much... its just like we never left high school.

Lady Gaga - Hair

2011-05-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Whenever I dress cool,
My parents put up a fight
And if I’m a hotshot,
Mom will cut hair at night
In the morning I’m sure of my identity
I scream Mom and Dad
Why can't I be who I wanna be?

I just wanna be myself,
And I want you to love me for who I am
I just wanna be myself,
And I want you to know, I am my Hair

[Chorus]

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
I’m not a freak
I must keep fighting to stay cool on the streets

I’ve had enough, enough, enough
And this is my prayer, I swear
I’m as free as my hair

[Lady Gaga - Verse 2]

Sometimes I want to rock on some highlights
Just because
I want my friend to think that I am dynamite
And on party, roxy, high school dance
I got my bangs too hard
That I don't stand a chance
A chance

I just wanna be myself,
And I want you to love me for who I am
I just wanna be myself,
And I want you to know, I am my Hair

[Chorus]

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
I’m not a freak
I must keep fighting to stay cool on the streets

I’ve had enough, enough, enough
And this is my prayer, I swear
I’m as free as my hair

[Bridge]

I just want to be free, I just want to be me
And I want lots of friends that invite me to their parties

I don't wanna change,
And I don't wanna be ashamed
I'm the spirit of my Hair
It's all the glory that I bare
I am my Hair!

I'm my hair, I am my hair
It's all the glory that I bare
I'm my hair-am my hair
I'm my hair-am my hair yeah!

[Chorus]

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
This is my prayer
That I’ll die living just as free as my hair

I’ve had enough
I’m not a freak
I must keep fighting to stay cool on the streets

I’ve had enough, enough, enough
And this is my prayer, I swear
I’m as free as my hair

A Blog Viewer Made This Incredible Video I'd Like To Share

2011-05-27T19:45:00.001-07:00

Ellen - World Domination

Dilemmas

2011-05-27T05:30:00.001-07:00

Dilemmas cannot be solved. Sometimes you may find yourself in a dilemma where you are ''damned if you do, and damned if you don't.'' You cannot solve such dilemmas by choosing a side because both paths lead to suffering. The only way out is to transform your perspective to a place where the dilemma no longer exists. This is possible.

Close To You

2011-05-26T04:50:00.000-07:00

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon-dust
In your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

[break]

On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon-dust
In your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue

That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

(Ah, aahh, aahh) Close to you
(Ah, aahh, aahh) Close to you
(Ah, aahh, aahh) Close to you
(Ah, aahh, aahh) Close to you

Say Goodbye To Love

2011-05-26T04:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up with this song in my head this morning. I think Karen Carpenter is haunting me...

I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it.
So I've made my mind up I must live
my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love.
There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
I've been wrong
But for now this is my song.
And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love.

Megan Mullally - Guilty

2011-05-25T05:08:00.001-07:00

Many of you may not know that Megan Mullally, who played Karen Walker on Will & Grace is a very successful singer. She has a few CDs out with her own band, she has been on broadway with "How To Succeed In Business..." and "Young Frankenstein". Back when David Letterman had his heart attack, she was asked to host the show and do the musical number and this is it. Its amazing.

DENNIS QUAID IS HERE

2011-05-24T13:59:00.001-07:00

This is one of my favorite hidden camera pranks that Ellen has done! Way to go Dennis!

Ellen Imitates Nell

2011-05-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

I yet have to see Nell but from what people tell me, this is a pretty good impression... but of course, its Ellen! From her sitcom "Ellen" back in the 90s.

I Confronted My Bully

2011-05-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

There was no way past it, I knew during the Tulip Festival I would run into my old old boss from my very first job out of college, the one I wrote about a few posts down. He looks old, hair long worn in a pony tail, looks like a hippy. Everyone was talking to him, he was even in the parade with his snooty wife.

I had to go to a book signing party and wouldnt you know it, in they came. My heart about came out of my chest, I immediately started sweating, started to panic a little... and I just said to myself, stay away but in a house of people its hard. He came in carrying a tub of beer, and I stood there staring at him wondering what I should do, I mean I just got there. So I got my book signed and went into the living room by myself and looked at it. The book is amazing by the way.

I went into the kitchen to get something to eat and I just said to myself Im going to make the first move. I told him I was sorry to hear about his bad news and that I hope everything is okay and he talked right back to me saying everything is fine and he was so positive about it. I asked about his artifacts and he said all ok and clean and everything is going well... it broke the ice... then he kinda was joking around with me and another friend about how the food was and I just walked around him laughing... told him someone stole my grill and he told me I needed to get one of those huge stainless steel ones... some brand name... and I said, "Well you buy it for me and I'll take it"... yada yada yada the ice was broken.

Then I got really uncomfortable and went home. It was too weird. His wife didnt say a word to me... which is fine because she shit on a friend of mine too so whatever. But I played nice and glad that I did and had a good time... just still nervous and intimidated by them. But what are you going to do? I just left. I was exhausted from Tulip Festival anyway so no harm done. Good food, great book, good company, everything ended well.

Last Day Of Tulip Festival Pics

2011-05-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

This is my buddy Ben

Sera

My God Daughter Tessa

The Burgies in the Urk Costumes

Scotty being Dutch for a day (eating a brat)

2011 Tulip Festival Underway

2011-05-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

I took some pictures of some beautiful tulips, but these are my favorites!

This family are my family, the Burgs. Doug, Lisa, Tessa, Sera and Ben...

And this is the Burgs oldest Maria singing in the Tulip Festival Night Show Production Godspell

Ellen Scares Portia

2011-05-17T21:01:00.001-07:00

I stumbled upon this and just thought it was funny!

Top Of The World

2011-05-16T13:01:00.000-07:00

The ONLY REASON I posted these Carpenters songs is because I woke up one day with them in my head and I absolutely love Karen Carpenters voice... that is the ONLY REASON!

Such a feelin's comin' over me
There is wonder in most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the sun in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream.

Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
It's because you are here
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen.

I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world.

Something in the wind has learned my name
And it's tellin' me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me.

There is only one wish on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me
All I need will be mine if you are here.

I'm on the top of the world lookin' down on creation
And the only explanation I can find
Is the love that I've found ever since you've been around
Your love's put me at the top of the world.

( 1972 )

We've Only Just Begun

2011-05-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

The ONLY REASON I posted these Carpenters songs is because I woke up one day with them in my head and I absolutely love Karen Carpenters voice... that is the ONLY REASON!

We've only just begun to live
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way
We've only begun

Before the risin' sun, we fly
So many roads to choose
We'll start out walkin' and learn to run
And yes, we've just begun

Sharing horizons that are new to us
Watching the signs along the way
Talkin' it over, just the two of us
Workin' together day to day, together

And when the evening comes, we smile
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's room to grow
And yes, we've just begun

Sharing horizons that are new to us
Watching the signs along the way
Talkin' it over, just the two of us
Workin' together day to day, together, together

And when the evening comes, we smile
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's room to grow
And yes, we've just begun

Bullies and Grudges

2011-05-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

Its been an interesting 24 hours for me. No let me take that back, it all started in 1996. I had a GREAT job as a Shipping Manager and loved it. I worked with some great people and I just loved the job in general. The owner was a 7 foot giant that liked to bully people. There were many times I heard him talk to people in appropriate fashion. Well, one time he said something very bad and I heard it. And it was about a co worker. Things went on until he decided to remind a bunch of workers how "this is a Christian workplace and there is no tolerance for bad language and mistreating people!" I thought to myself, no actually what happened, the words just spewed from my mouth almost immediately after he said that without ANY thought and said "Oh yeah, then why did you..." and I basically ratted him out and told everyone what he said about the other co worker. It was just like as if someone shot me in the heart. I was immediately fired, no, he actually tortured me for 2 days and made me come to work then fired me. After he dismissed the rest of the workers and left me in room with him, it got worse. I found myself cornered and terrified because he threatened me. I humiliated him and called him out in front of his worker minions when most people heard him say the same thing. Not one person admitted they heard it because he is a bully. a 7 foot bully. And what upset me is that these people KNEW what he did was wrong and they kept their mouth shut. Probably because he would of fired them as well, except for the favorites in a way. I think I had a few people stick up for me behind my back but of course they didnt lose their job. One person told him he made a big mistake. And he did. Yada yada yada in the end, I had no job and he sat in his large office probably grinning ear to ear because he got even. Me? At the time I was devastated I had no job and I had bills, rent, car payment... but a few months down the road I got a better job and ended up there for almost 10 years. No regrets at all...

Where am I going with this?

I cant stand the guy and the fact that he has done this to many others and I see my own friends cater to him/them as if nothing happened... not just to me but to others he has done this to! I mean what is the statute of limitations on sticking up for a friend that happened so long ago? Why not let it go? This guy behind closed doors said to me if I wasnt a woman he would beat the living shit out of me. 7 feet tall, his hand could palm my head. I explained this all to the unemployment official because they actually fought unemployment for me and it was his word against mine. I lost, and I just sat there crying calling them liars and finally ended the conversation by saying they will get what they deserve and when they look at me, they will know that they are liars, they treat people badly, and they are pieces of shit and I will always know the truth and I will look them straight in the eye and grin knowing that.

Got a little off track, but again, where is this leading.

This man should scare the hell out of me, but in reality I have one up over him because I know he knows I know lol what the actual truth is. See I dont think people believe my story but its true and I didnt lie. And I dont regret calling him out either. I guess its my disrespect of authority figures that didnt stop me. Hes a millionaire and Im sure people kiss his ass because of the money who knows. But people like this guy and he puts on such a great show for everyone. Its even come to the point to where its coming inbetween me and a good friend of mine. Over a stupid seat at the Tulip Festival Night Show, I was invited to sit in the audience and then I find out they invited him after the fact, KNOWING this would cause some friction. I cant be in the same room with this guy and my anxiety factor goes up and over the limit. I know what I said before, I have one up on him and it wouldnt make me feel bad to actually go to the show and stare at him in the face and grin, but I have better things to do I told my friend and decided to go another night with a friend. But what Im upset about is they chose him over me. Because they knew it would be a problem, even told me they figured that would happen.

This is all so stupid and immature. I know. So... I go to church today even though I didnt want to.

Pastor Keith talked about Peter. Peter struggled with this sort of thing... being bullied, abused, whatever you want to call it. Keith said to be aware of the presence of God in these situations even when you are weak and have no power. Keith also said when things like this happen DO NOT RETALIATE! Yeah right... but then he went on to say that God can use pressure to straighten us out. Sometimes we can sit there and wonder why no one else has to go through things like this. And God will say "What is it with you?" Dont worry about other people we must handle it ourselves. In extreme abusive situations, simply hand it over to God... just hand it over. Easier said than done I say.

I was abused emotionally pretty much my whole childhood up until I went to college and I got this first job right out of college and the abuse kept going, even in this small "christian" town from a well known "christian" man. I dont take kindly to being talked to in that manner and when it comes to this guy, all I can say is he is a douchebag. At least I can sit here in front of my computer and be honest with everyone and say I am not perfect... no one is and he isnt either. Do I hold a grudge? After todays sermon I really shouldnt. But Ive been burned so much by so many people growing up and recently that its raw.

Yes, the grudge is there. It shouldnt be, but it is. And Im pissed about it now.

Anti-Depressants and Sleeping Aids - Necessary? YES!

2011-05-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

I dont know what made me think about this subject today, but I did. I guess because I cant live without anti-depressants and sleeping aids. Why, well I'm bipolar, borderline and I need tons of sleep. Why? If I dont get sleep, I get manic. When I get manic, I do stupid things and get very impulsive and even though being manic is a wonderful feeling, I dont like it. I like to be level and thankfully I have been level even due to the circumstances I have dealt with the past few months. I dont deal with stress at all. Well the way I deal with it is smoke and eat. I quit smoking and Im on a diet so my other outlet is anger. I am easily angered lately, no excuse. I just am so sick of people bitching about the stupidest things lol.

Anyway, I know a lot of people that are hurting, losing sleep, sad, cant sleep, exhausted... my suggestion is to get on a small dose of an anti-depressant or sleep aid. Trust me, it works. The natural way, doesnt work. And I get so sick and tired of people saying right to my face that there will be no way they will take medication for their ailments when I am one of them... as if its a crutch or a simple way out. How dare you! So what does that make me? I need it. Maybe you do too! And for those that do need it and dont even try to do something about it just suffer and continue to put themselves through hell trying to function daily when hey, maybe it will work... I know a very good friend that thought the same thing. They decided to cave and was put on a small dose of an anti-depressant and it did wonders. And they were only on it for a few months. Whats wrong with that? Absolutely nothing. I refuse to feel like I am not strong enough because I have to be on meds for the rest of my life... Ive been through a lot in my lifetime and let me tell you, it has made me stronger and I have learned so much the past 10 years... about my disease. Being depressed does not make you weak, admitting you have it makes you a hero.

On The Floor

2011-05-11T03:35:00.001-07:00

Just posting my favorite song thats all...

My Take On The Death Of Bin Laden

2011-05-06T19:51:00.000-07:00

Who can forget the morning we were attacked in 2001? How we were glued to the TV all day, checking out internet reports, being put in shock when plane by plane was getting targeted then the towers falling... thousands people died. What and who in the world was going on? I will be honest and say I didnt know much about terrorism and how much Al Quida was in business of killing innocent people. The Taliban? Who were they? Well it was a time where America came together as one putting political parties aside, we were one, praying for some sort of miracle of people being found. Watching George Bush on top of the rubble rallying the helpers at what was left at the Trade Center. That is one thing I will not forget, the unity of our country.

I am not going to make this about politics. I dont care about it at this time, even though at first I did. I thought about it and we had to do what we had to do. There was a shot at getting Bin Laden and we had to do it. Was I happy that he was dead? Yes very... and I had lots and lots of hatred towards that man. I always tell people I dont hate and I dont, but seriously, I was estatic that he was dead. I wanted to see a body, I wanted to see that man and laugh in his face as if he could hear me or my thoughts or words would make it any better. I thought about families of the victims of 9/11 and thinking they feel the job was finally done. But ya know what? Its not bringing their loved ones back. So why rejoice?

I dont hate Bin Laden. I hate what he did and the fact he was hidden in one of our allies countries for 5 years. I am not as versed in why that happened when we funded Pakistan for years and according to what I hear they are not getting another penny from us unless there are some questions answered. Fair.

God does not like people to hate but its really hard when you see someone like this man do what he did. Its very hard. I am very emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve and at first I didnt think it was true he was dead but it is, and he lost some of his own family in the process. Which is sad because they didnt ask to be involved with this terrorism. Just like the innocent people that were killed on 9/11 didnt ask for it.

I take back a lot of comments I have said. I have understood that maybe my anger was too angry. Rejoicing with others because he was dead. He is dead and there is nothing or anything that is going to change it so why do I have to rejoice. Only God is taking care of what Bin Laden has done and we have no to way to judge or try to understand this war on terrorism.

But what I will say I am very proud of the Seals that went into danger and did their job. We will never know who they are, but they were told to do their job and they did it. I am proud of our service men and women from all over. They protect our freedom. And they have kept us safe for a number of years.

My heart has softened, I do not hate Bin Laden. I just wish it could of ended in a different way...

I hope this kind of explain how I feel. Many feelings but just not sure if it made sense.

God be with everyone.

Its baaaack

2011-05-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

I would like to spend time talking about Bin Laden but I decided not to. Because it will just piss people off and well lets just say I am glad they got him.

Now I went back to the doctor today and my bronchitis is back and my lungs are full of crap. So I am back on steriods and nebulizer treatments. I am so sick of being sick. But this time I dont have to be in the hospital! Hopefully in two weeks I will be breathing better. I cough constantly and sleep very loudly with my breathing.

SO its baaack!

My New Car and Out With Friends

2011-05-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

Well I broke down and got a new car which was a blessing. On my way to Sioux Falls, my car started dying. It wouldnt go over 55mph, anytime I would stop it would stall and it wouldnt start back up. Then my electric locks stopped working so I had to crawl out the window like The Dukes Of Hazzard. I was outside Sioux Falls and my car quit in an intersection. Some nice guy came and helped me push my car to the side of the road and it finally started and he offered to follow me to the dealership. In the end I got a new car and here it is! I love it. Its a Nissan! Very nice, low mileage, great on gas, and its a 2008.

Then I drove to Sioux City to meet up with some high school friends for one of my best friends Jerri's 40th birthday party... it was so nice to catch up with everyone. Laughed and had a blast. The cake was great, and just visiting with everyone was awesome... here are some pictures to share.

WHAT A BLAST!

The Royal Wedding

2011-04-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

I am a sucker for royal weddings. I was ten when Princess Diana was married and remember watching it. I was in the hospital (home now) and stayed up all night to watch the ceremony. Kates dress was so gorgeous and I thought Prince Harry and Prince William looked so handsome in their uniforms. I am sure Diana would be so proud of them. I wish them the best and it was just a wonderful celebration. Now I need sleep lol.

Sick Sick Sick

2011-04-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

I showed up at the ER this morning at 7am bawling my eyes out because I was in so much pain due to the coughing and sinus congestion. I had no sleep so they decided after 2 hours or so to admit me and I may have viral pnuemonia again. I want to post a video to cheer me up but they have You Tube blocked. UGH!

You Want Psycho?

2011-04-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

So what I dont agree!

2011-04-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

I have encountered today sort of a little punch in the face to why I am a Republican. What have the right wingers done for me and I was advised to give my answers. Bullying. I never care who likes whom. If you like Obama, fine. I dont and I dont have to explain why in the hell I dont like him and I never ask others why they still blame Bush after 2 years that Obama has been in office. I do not like to be bullied. I respect others opinions and am glad we have the democratic process but I feel since Obama has been in office, he has divided the country to where this type of bullying has occurred. Like who you want to like, more power to you. Thats what our American rights are. But do NOT come to me telling me why I am who I am. I never ask others and I may be the only Republican in my group of friends, but deal with it. I have respect for those who voted for Obama and that was their choice, but it seems the more and more this administration goes on, the more and more I get called out for being who I am and for who I believe. Thats what freedom of speech is about. But I will never MAKE someone tell me why they voted for Obama. Now I am pissed off and feel violated. And whats funny is that person had their own website about not hating and eraticating hate... I just feel I cant do anything or say anything anymore... now go think about this and see how you are to others with differing opinions.... now a song to cheer me up!

SCREAM!!!!!!!

2011-04-26T18:09:00.001-07:00

I am very sick again. It just makes me wanna SCREAM! Dont you feel like just going outside and screaming on the top of your lungs. Well I do. Thats it.

Firework

2011-04-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

I love this song and the video... it reminds me of how I feel at times. Today I talked to my smoking counselor and just unloaded about the stress and anxiety I have been feeling. First of all, I am getting sick again and I hope it doesnt land me in the hospital again. Same symptoms. So I already feel like crap. And I feel misplaced. Like where am I supposed to be right now. I am so lost and feel like I have disappointed so many people. I just am angry about a lot of stuff and I need to get rid of it. I am so mad at myself and some others that have disappointed me saying they are my friend but dont act like it. I make mistakes sure, but what about everyone else? Its ridiculous how much I have to say Im sorry... is it the "its not you its me" routine? Or is it a two way road. I think I deserve an apology every now and then. I try so hard to be a good person but I struggle because I know I am not perfect. I pray for forgiveness and that people will forgive me. However that is not the case lately. Anyway, I just feel I need to let go and feel like a firework and let my life shine and continue on the path I am on. I will figure it out sometime. But for now, I am confused. Its ok though, I have some awesome friends that HAVE been there for me giving me the best advice which I have taken under consideration. And they are right. Its time to start over and move on.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Katy Perry Firework lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/katy-perry-firework-lyrics.html

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

You Are Loved

2011-04-24T19:33:00.000-07:00

Its been a hard few months for me, and I need to know I am loved. Yes I actually need to hear the words "You Are Loved" or "I Love You". I guess you can call it an insecurity, but I have been through a lot of heartache my entire life, especially since October and its been a rollercoaster of emotions. I find it comforting to listen and watch this video... by Josh Groban. I want you all to feel what I feel when I watch this video. I literally cry. Its so important, as well, to remember that God loves us unconditionally no matter what crap we do. We just need to face the fact that we are not perfect, we need to act humble, we need to ask for forgiveness to God to wash that guilt away. You are loved my friend.

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

(copy and paste url link in brower... embedded is disabled by user)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGLSk3AVcUU&playnext=1&list=PL48215BE41D20B9DC

And to add one more video that lifts me up and gives me tears...

Healing Rain - Michael W Smith

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long

Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this dry heart with healing rain

And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am

Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain

To be washed in Heaven's rain...

Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid...

He Is Risen!

2011-04-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

Today is an amazing day! Jesus rose from the dead and became our Lord. It was an amazing church service. The kids, including little Ben, rang their bells to some music. Had an incredible childrens sermon describing the past 3 days that Jesus had to entail. The kids were so into it and American does a great job on how they presented this so they understand this miracle. We had awesome music of praises, including the below video. This song had me in tears. I rose my arms and just sang because we are so lucky to have Jesus in our life. He forgives us when we are bad and confess our sins, he loves unconditionally, he is compassionate and knows what we are going through. He knows our thoughts, our fears, our happiness and dries our tears. I love Jesus and even though I am a Christian I may not act like it, today I released that guilt and know that Jesus loves me and He is teaching me to do the same to others. Praise the Lord.

Spewage

2011-04-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

Today the sun finally came out. Its been weeks and I think thats why my anger issues are spewing out. Im sure, if you read this, I totally crapped out on a friend the other day. Well they told me they didnt want to be my friend anymore for private reasons. It really made me mad because I sincerely loved this friendship even though there were ups and downs. Today I talked to a friend and we talked about this friendship and all the fun stuff we did together and the funny things that happened and it made me miss my friend. Im not sure if they will read this, but I had no excuse to be on a rampage. I mean they did it to me as well but to me its still no excuse to treat someone badly. I am not that kind of a person. I dont want to be that kind of a person. I empathize with their issues and the crapola they have been through this past month. I guess I just dont know what to do. I mean I suffer from depression I should know what to do. I just am at a lost and I hope someday we can be friends again. I miss them greatly.

To You From Me - Nothing Compares To You

2011-04-21T19:35:00.000-07:00

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing
I said nothing can take away these blues
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
I went to the doctor n'guess what he told me
Guess what he told me
He said girl u better try to have fun
No matter what you'll do
But he's a fool
`Cause nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

All the flowers that you planted, mama
In the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you
Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

My Purpose

2011-04-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

Since my accident in 2006, I still wonder why God saved me and why I am here. I mean I can't handle a job, I get stressed really easily, I get stressed really easily for others... I am a blob on this earth for what reason? I do not know. But I know you will think this is totally stupid but I watched a Family Guy episode where Brian, who is a dog that is liberal and can talk, was visiting his security box at the bank and was locked in by accident with the family baby Stewie, who is a genius. In his box, he had a gun and a bottle of scotch and Stewie asks him why he had a gun because hes always spewing stuff about the liberal agenda on guns and so on... and he just told him in a soft voice "I have it just in case I want to kill myself okay?" And he asks Stewie if he was going to say anything and he said "Well I dont know quite what to say except its selfish!" And that is probably the first thing people think when someone tries to kill themselves or actually succeed. When you get to that point you will understand why you dont think it is. Anyway, Stewie finally said "YOU give me purpose..." And maybe thats what my purpose is. To be a piece of the puzzle in others lives. I dont know if to give them purpose but maybe thats what they meant. It really made me think of the behavior I had the other night. I was insanely mad and just took off and the mouth went and I pushed someone over the edge. I still feel bad about it but I just am not sure what to do about it anymore. I definitely did not show my purpose to my friend that night. I just showed how easy it is to hurt someone that is already hurting. Theres so much more to the story that does not need to be spoken about but my purpose also should be to ask like Jesus would. And I had an epic fail.

Vomiting

2011-04-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

Last night I vomited about a friend publically on Facebook and then through texting. It wasnt pretty. What was wrong with me other than all I can figure out is that I was so so angry I couldnt hold back anymore. This is how I used to be years ago. Today I saw my shrink and told him I didnt like the way I became. I was harsh. I was ruthless. I was rude. I was thoughtless. I was MAD! I still am. But I am vomiting right now my apologies to those who had to read that crapola. I have no excuse but this person has been a significant item in my crazy life and all of a sudden they dont want a relationship. Theres more to it, but it made me angry. I just want to apologize and hope ya'll forgive me.

Better Off Ted Really Vulgar Outtakes - Hilarious

2011-02-02T19:19:00.001-08:00

Ellen Tries The Vibrating Bra

2011-02-02T09:07:00.001-08:00

Ellens Staff Give Her A Birthday Present

2011-02-02T09:03:00.001-08:00

Portia Sings For Ellens 53rd Birthday

2011-02-02T09:02:00.003-08:00

Tony The DJ Dances For Ellens 53rd Birthday

2011-02-02T09:02:00.001-08:00

Ellen Has Fun WIth Andy With "Can He Say That?"

2011-02-02T09:01:00.001-08:00

Ellen Talks To Anderson Cooper About Bullying

2011-02-02T09:00:00.001-08:00

Ellen Introduces The Snazzy Napper

2011-02-02T08:59:00.001-08:00

Joshua Radin Performs "Today" For Ellens 53rd Birthday

2011-01-27T23:42:00.000-08:00

Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze Help Ellen On The Game Know Or Go

2010-05-30T11:44:00.001-07:00

Ellens Scare Montage

2010-05-30T11:40:00.000-07:00

Ellen Talks To Julia Louis Dreyfus About Her Star On The Walk Of Fame

2010-05-30T11:39:00.000-07:00

Ellen Was A Category On The Family Feud

2010-04-08T08:13:00.000-07:00

Tony, Ellen, Usher, And Portia on Rollercoasters in Orlando

2010-04-08T08:08:00.002-07:00

Ellen Catches Up With Gladys 2.26.10

2010-04-08T08:08:00.001-07:00

Ellen Has A Snow Ball Fight With Her Writers

2010-04-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

Ellen Slipped On Her Sugar Cleanse

2010-02-15T19:26:00.002-08:00

Presidents Day Know Or Go

2010-02-15T19:26:00.001-08:00

2010-02-15T19:13:00.001-08:00

Ellens Debut World Magician Champion Shawn Farquhar

2010-01-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

Ellen Backstage At The PCA's 2010

2010-01-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

Ellen Plays Know Or Go With Her Staff

2009-11-12T04:40:00.000-08:00

Ellen On George Lopez

2009-11-10T13:33:00.001-08:00

Ellens Rap Monologue

2009-10-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

Ellen Scares David Spade

2009-10-22T15:08:00.001-07:00

Ellen Sends A Tweet To The SDSU Campus

2009-10-19T11:05:00.001-07:00

Andy Zenor Goes Refs A Roller Derby Game

2009-10-18T17:18:00.000-07:00

Gladys Surprises Ellen and Calls In

2009-10-18T17:15:00.001-07:00

30 Seconds To Ellen

2009-10-17T20:20:00.001-07:00

Ellen Scares Her Staff Again

2009-10-16T17:21:00.001-07:00

Ellen Interviews Judy Shepard, Mother Of Matthew Shepard

2009-10-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

Ellen Tries To Get Rob Lowe To Laugh

2009-10-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

Julia Louis-Dreyfus Gets Caught On The Ellen Cam

2009-10-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

Ellen And The Shake Weight

2009-09-15T20:08:00.001-07:00

Ellen Dancing Opening Season 7 Premier... She Kicks Ass!

2009-09-08T15:55:00.000-07:00

Clip From The Journey Concert I Went To, It Was Awesome!

2009-07-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

Kiss and Adam Lambert on Idol

2009-07-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

Journey Separate Ways on Ellen

2009-07-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

Kelly Pickler On Ellen 6.5.09

2009-06-05T20:25:00.001-07:00

Ellens Commencement Speech At Tulane University

2009-05-18T21:45:00.000-07:00

Ellen Discovers Texting

2009-05-15T20:40:00.000-07:00